Use Mentoring to Combat Bias

“Reciprocal mentoring is about having two mentees who both benefit from the relationship. It is based on a ‘peer-to-peer’ style interaction where both parties learn and between them create solutions as understanding increases.
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— Helen May

Read Helen’s article about reciprocal mentoring published by ICAEW on International Women’s Day

Mind the Perception Gap!

According to the Accenture 2020 ‘Getting to Equal’ report, two thirds of leaders feel they create empowering environments in which employees can be themselves, raise concerns and innovate without fear of failure, while just one third of employees agree. Read Helen’s article here

Finding Your Energizer →

I encourage clients to experiment with different ways of managing time and focus effectively, as different things work for different people. Consider what energizes you, be it fresh air, exercise, drinking plenty of water, coffee, connecting with others, music, food, working in a particular spot in the house… the list is endless. Then plan your day around your priorities, the time of day you work best, and your unique combination of energizers.

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Pain and then some: Neurodiversity, university and 2020

 

The anxieties and sadness of the parent whose child has left for university have been exponentially exacerbated by the dystopian events of 2020. 

As the world locked down, our children, in the final stages of their secondary education, were sent home from school. Unlike children of other ages, this didn’t have parents frantically juggling home schooling and home working. Nor did it have us frantically googling algebra, Tudor history or Thomas Hardy. Our children, reaching the point at which they were about to see their education and hard work be recognised through exams, were told to down tools. Stop. 

And so, in a way nobody could ever have predicted, their education came to an end. 

The uncertainty between March and July was a million times more preferable to the events of August and beyond. Particularly so, I believe, for parents like me. Having overcome difficulties and illness in his first year of A levels, with everyone doubting his ability to continue or catch up, my son made a miraculous turnaround. He had a diagnosis of ADHD which helped him to make sense of and find strategies for the difficulties he faced. With fierce energy and determination, by the time lockdown was announced, he had strong predicted grades and an offer from his university of choice.

On results day, I will never forget the look on his face as he walked towards me clutching the piece of paper that had shattered his dreams. The system had let him down because of the challenges he had now overcome. The next few weeks he faced with a maturity and resilience that humbled me, eventually securing the place at university he wanted. 

As many parents feel, there is a confusing mix of overwhelming pride and a sadness that feels like grief when your child leaves home. A wonderful friend @shannoncassidy, whose son had left for college a year ago, gave me a wonderful piece of advice: This is not final. It might feel like the end of something, but it is not final.

I have spoke with many wonderful parents about the additional pain and anxiety when neurodivergent children make life transitions - from school, to university, to work. How will they cope without us? How will the world treat them? How can we stop the hurt they may feel? I was flooded with these emotions when settling my son into his university accommodation (not least when I realised that on an unsupervised shopping trip he had bought a doormat instead of a bathmat, facecloths instead of hand towels and refused to let me unpack for him) I left in tears, knowing that those boxes would remain unpacked for many weeks (they still are)

The anxiety surfaced again when at 3:30am (insomnia a shared ADHD trait we both share) on Sunday to say that his girlfriend had had a positive COVID test and that he was unwell. Unable to get back to sleep I found myself at my desk working at 4:00 am, battling the urge to jump in the car and drive 200 miles to rescue my baby. 

It has been an absolute rollercoaster, but the latest event in a way brought me a sense of peace. He was battling his first crisis as an independent adult. He was doing it in his very own way - surrounded by boxes, ordering takeaways and playing FIFA - but nevertheless he was doing it. 

I can’t begin to tell you how proud I am of this incredible young man. Parents, having children brings these transitions which we can barely imagine when they are born. Parents of neurodivergent children, I understand the pain of these transitions, but let’s never forget their unique brilliance. Knowing we are there as they make their way in the world really can be enough.

 

Is it time to call time on psychometrics at work..?

 
 

OK, so I am about to make a complete 180 on an opinion I have held for a very long time. Having worked in the leadership development and executive coaching space for a VERY long time, psychometrics have been core to my work. Indeed, I have all the relevant qualifications required to administer various tools, and have myself been psychometric tested to within an inch of my life. In fact, I once worked in a business that developed a psychometric tool, and transformed the organisation around it.

But here’s the thing. I have honestly never seen a psychometric tool being used responsibly or appropriately. (Gosh, I can almost hear the backlash as it rushes towards me…) And this is the question:

 Should we morally be allowed to make decisions about someone’s career based on their personality? 

 I hear the cry again ‘They don’t INFORM decisions, they merely contribute to the bigger picture!’ 

 Are you sure about that? This is the guidance of psychometric companies, but is this really how it pans out in reality?

The second cry ‘This is not about judgements! All personality styles have their strengths!’

Hmmm… Not quite true is it? If you used Neo Personality Inventory for example, and somebody came out as low in conscientiousness and high in neuroticism, would they EVER be your first hiring choice? They are certainly not traits I have ever come across on a job description. In fact, the same psychometric has not only been found to have item bias (easy to cheat), but there is also evidence of different neural circuitry in individuals with high neuroticism. Think about it. A supposed personality test could cause you to make a decision about somebody based on a physical difference. That, I’m afraid, is discrimination.

 But here is the bigger problem, which all organisations MUST recognise.

 Neurodiversity is being embraced by many organisations, understanding around it is increasing and reasonable adjustments are being made. Great stuff. Many organisations are looking at their recruitment practices, ensuring job descriptions contain just the skills required for the job and nothing more. Good for them.

 And then, as part of the recruitment process, they include psychometric testing. 

 The question is, where is the delineation between personality and a neurodivergence? It is very unclear and can certainly not be deciphered from a psychometric test. As with the evidence of different neural circuitry as described above, any decision made could in fact be discriminating under the Equality Act 2010. Organisations are being encouraged to make recruitment processes fair and accessible for neurodivergent people by evaluating candidates based only on the skills required for the role, and it is becoming clear that there is no place for psychometrics in such processes.

 So RIP psychometrics in the workplace. It was fun – you have given me colours, letters and a whole range of wonderfully thought out adjectives, but I’m afraid your time is up.

If feedback is a gift, next time don't bother.

 
badly wrapped gift.png
 

Many times throughout my career I have been told that I can’t take feedback (for the purpose of this article, when I talk about feedback I am referring to the so-called ‘constructive’ kind) . And I’ll let you into a little secret… Most of the time I can’t.

 I have so many issues with this obsession with feedback. This is in the main part because of what I like to call ‘dot-to-dot management’. The dilution of complex social interactions to pithy acronyms that are supposed to magically lead to enlightenment and heightened performance. Managers being sent on course after course, being equipped with a whole package of tools, models and acronyms that are rarely implemented well in the real world, and if they are, most of the time pretty badly. I can hear the distant rumble of protestors as they march the way towards me with their objections – please, hear me out first.

 My first issue is this. There is a complexity to the dynamics between a manager and employee that means it is very difficult for either party to be entirely objective, unless there is a deep understanding and trust between the two. This may sound counter-intuitive, but if as a manager you give feedback to somebody without truly understanding that person or the situation, then your feedback is based entirely on your own judgement. Therefore, it is subjective. Objective means that you have no feelings about the feedback you are giving, that you are merely stating a fact. How can that be when there is an existing relationship between the two parties? Most feedback is based on opinion and not pure fact so therefore by its very nature cannot be objective.

 Besides the above there are so many dynamics at play that can affect the quality of the feedback. There is the relationship history of the two parties, the power dynamic between the two, the degree of similarity between the two, and how much they respect one another. There are issues of unconscious bias, misunderstanding, pressures to achieve a goal, personalities. We must also consider hidden differences.

 With the current lack of understanding of neurodiversity in the workplace, there are numerous pitfalls that managers can fall in to. Without understanding the complexities of neurodivergent conditions, managers may find themselves interacting with such employees in ways that are either damaging or discriminative.

 Let’s take for example an autistic employee. Without understanding the various nuances and challenges that the person has, you may find that you give feedback on an action or behaviour that is a result of the condition. In addition, when giving feedback, managers may not be clear and specific, or use language with hidden meaning. This could then lead to a mistake being repeated, and the employee ending up distressed or, worse, in a formal process, that could then lead to a discrimination case. There was a landmark case recently where an autistic employee won an employment tribunal partly on the basis that the manager had not tried to understand the employee’s disability which had then led to him developing an anxiety disorder. There is a big push for organisation’s to employ neurodivergent employees, and to understand the value they can bring to the workplace. However, without educating managers, and indeed all staff, on neurodiversity, employers run the risk of causing some employees significant distress, affecting their psychological safety and thus their ability to bring their best to their roles. 

 So let’s step outside of neurodiversity for a moment. Wouldn’t the workplace be significantly better and organisation’s performance significantly higher if instead of playing dot-to-dot management, each manager (person) took time to genuinely understand every employee (person) in order to give them the best shot at performing to their potential? I repeat the word person because that is all this is, an interaction between two people. Forget hierarchy, forget, acronyms, forget feedback – just use common sense.

 So back to where I started… Why can’t I take feedback?

Firstly, I hate the word feedback. When someone utters the words ‘Can I give you some feedback?’ (because the pithy acronyms often mention that you should always ask permission) it always reminds of when somebody uses the passive-aggressive ‘With all due respect…’ (flagging that they are just about to disrespect you) Neuroscience research has shown that even mention of the word feedback elicits a stress response which can increase the heart rate by 50%. Feedback should be left to computers, data, technology. People should have conversations. They should be kind, have integrity and seek to understand first. The same neuroscience research says that so called ‘feedback cultures’ can only develop if control remains with the individual. This means that the individual should ask when they want feedback and it should always be solicited. The role of the leader is to create the psychological safety that will allow this to become the norm.

Secondly, I have ADHD. I have often been told on occasion that I ‘over-react’ or that I am ‘being dramatic’. Nope. This is a symptom of my condition called Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. It is very, very real and very painful. I’m sure you probably weren’t aware of this condition were you? The problem is, when I tell someone I have ADHD they look at me in absolute utter confusion or they laugh, because without understanding ADHD fully, as a 45 year old successful professional and mother, I don’t fit the stereotypical disruptive, naughty 9 year old little boy. (I have to confess, there are times where I want to respond by getting up and start throwing things around the room. Just to confuse them even further)

So here is the thing. I am happy for someone who understands me and who I respect to talk to me about how I can get better at the things I do. But if you want to play dot-to-dot with me, or mention the word feedback, I will ask you to pack up your ‘gift’ and next time you won’t be invited to the party.

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The pain of hidden difference

 
 

It is 8:00 on a rainy, autumn Monday morning. I am in a coffee shop in a supermarket in Slough, having left home 5:45 to get here. I am tired and therefore not fully on my game. I am waiting for my boss to arrive, as we are delivering a workshop together for a client and are having a breakfast pre-meet. Quite an uplifting scene, isn’t it? Stay with me, it gets even better…

He arrives, drops his bag on the floor next to me and heads to the counter, without saying a word. I am confused. I start to panic. 

 He comes back with a coffee, sits down and looks at me.

 “You are a ******* nightmare”

 My heart sinks. He goes on to describe a situation that occurred in the office on Friday when I wasn’t there. A situation which caused a lot of unnecessary work, as I quickly realise that the issue was a technical one, and no fault of mine. One which could have been resolved in seconds had somebody picked up the phone and asked me a simple question. But I didn’t say a word because I knew that if I did, my voice would be weak and I might cry. 

 This may seem like an overreaction but there are two things to consider here. Firstly, this  was one of a series of such incidents which were causing me huge anxiety. In a rational state I would have been able to look at the whole situation and determine that the issue lay firmly with the management and culture. Secondly, I have ADHD – though I didn’t know it at this point. 

Now that I understand the condition, I understand a lot more about my reactions in these situations. Contrary to belief, ADHDers can be perfectionists in many situations and criticism sparks a strong rejection reaction. In women, the hyperactivity aspect often manifests as hyperactivity of emotion and thought, rather than physical. Situations like this send us into shutdown. And the more frequently they occur, the more likely we are to sink into depression and experience crippling anxiety.

 In the BIMA Diversion & Inclusion in Tech 2019 Report, their research shows that Incidences of anxiety and depression appear much higher in the neurodivergent (84%) compared to the neurotypical (49%) They also assert that the average number of employees who are neurodivergent could be as high as 20% in the tech industry (this figure may well be much higher, as this only includes those diagnosed with a condition). Bearing in mind that anxiety and depression are proven to cause increased absenteeism and presenteeism, low productivity, missed deadlines and higher rates of attrition, these stats are not to be ignored. Sadly, there is also evidence of a greater risk of suicide with some neurodivergent conditions. 

 On a more positive note, research has shown that increasing understanding of neurodivergent conditions in management and colleagues, as well as providing reasonable adjustments and support, can ensure that the unique talents of neurodivergent individuals are maximised to provide increased productivity and innovation in organisations. 

Can your organisation afford to either take this risk or miss this opportunity..?

 Now, you may be thinking that in my story, the management cannot strictly be blamed for my mental state, given that even I didn’t know I had ADHD at that point. But organisations have a moral obligation to train managers to look out for signs of stress, and try to understand the source before providing the relevant support. 

We all have a responsibility to notice when others are not waving, but drowning.

Given the figures we have just seen regarding neurodivergent individuals, to truly support wellbeing at work, organisations MUST ensure that neurodiversity is a key part of all wellbeing and inclusion programmes. The risks of ignoring it is commercially and morally irresponsible.

I am pleased to say that I ended up leaving this organisation shortly afterwards, but sorry to say it was on mental health grounds. I had never had, and, thankfully have never since had, this experience in work. 

 

But for any individual, once is one time too many.